The Skinny on my new BOOBIES

Hey Everybody!!

First off thanks so much for all the cool and wonderful comments on my last post! I love a forum that supports all my madness ;-)

I'm in between studying (Summer classes started this past Tuesday) and thought because a few have asked, I would "try" to make a short post about my upcoming Breast Reconstruction Surgery.

Most of you may know that I am a breast cancer survivor. Back in May of 2009 I was diagnosed with a very rare form of breast cancer in stage II (only 0.05% of the women in the country have this kind). By my oncologist not knowing how to treat it, I underwent 3 months of chemotherapy, a bilateral mastectomy and radiation. In November of 2009 after having my breast removed, my ecstatic doctors informed me that the cancer was gone. I had to undergo radiation, but after that I would go through 3 more surgeries to get new breast. This will be my second surgery in where the doctors will put in silicone implants. I used to wear 50EE or 50F (they were probably Gs or Hs) bras so the option to downsize was an EASSSSSSSYYYY one!!

My next surgery is scheduled for some time in August. I'm opting for the 3rd week which will be the week of the 15th. This is excellent timing for me as I will be in between Summer semester classes (end August 8th) and my Fall classes (which start August 29th). My plastic surgeon says I will only need a week to recuperate as opposed to the 8 weeks I needed when I had the mastectomy and the 3 weeks for the breast extenders (plastic and metal skin stretchers). The last surgery will probably be either around Thanksgiving or during my Christmas break to attach new nipples. I know you are thinking "WTH!!!!", but yeah, when they removed my breast they took everything. I won't have any sensation in my nipples, but hey I will have the appearance of some ;-).

All and all I am one happy camper. I have learned that life is so fleeting and that happiness is where you make it. The cancer is one of the primary reasons I decided to get the band. Because the cancer I had was not related to estrogen, I had to be proactive about my health. When the media and health officials tell you that being obese can cause cancer or be linked somehow to it, BELIEVE THEM!! Now me being obese didn't cause it (it is genetic), but staying that way would actually feed the cancer cells and make it worse. I want to live, so although previously against WLS, I soon got on board when my life was brought into question.

Anyway, this post turned out longer than I wanted it to, (I didn't want to bore you) but I wanted to let you in on what is going on with me. Ok, off to have my employment evaluation (which will not result in a raise...the state doesn't give those) and finish working on my project for my class. I will try to do some more commenting on the blogs in between that.

Have a great weekend!!!!!!!!

Musings in bullet form

Because I write this blog mainly for me (at least that's what I tell myself - see below) here goes another ramble/question in bullet form. I'll try to make it short.

• Do you ever wonder what it is you are doing wrong with regard to diet/weight loss? I know the answer, but hey I just had to ask. I know that people lose weight differently and at different speeds, but dang I so want to be at goal right now. If I didn't have that last cookie, maybe just maybe...

•Head Hunger is a biiiiiiioootttttchhhh!!! That's what I have been dealing with when it comes to those cookies ^^^. I wish somebody would tell me how to get over that hurdle.

• I'm back on Atkin's after diverting for a week or two. I picked up 5+ lbeees and wasn't at all happy. I have to be close to goal by August because I don't want my stomach being bigger than the new boobs I'm getting.

• Which brings me to this point. I think I'm more determined just because of the aforementioned statement.

• Have you ever wondered why when you send a friend request on a certain social networking site to a person, they don't accept, even though you thought you were cool elsewhere. #justasking

• I read a post the other day and the person said (paraphrasing) "it's not like anyone will comment anyway." I felt bad for this person, not just because they felt this way, but because I have sometimes felt this way before too. And if you admit it, you have too. We (some of us) often say that this blogging thing is "more for us" something like a journal, but if we are truthful we will admit that when we type a post that we think is prophetic, prolific or just down-right funny we would like at least one person to comment.

• What keeps me plugging along with this thing.....success stories (in no certain order) like Tessie Rose, Amy W., Stephanie, Catherine55, Grace, Lap Band Gal and the list goes on.

• This post in no way indicates that I am down on myself or in some self pity mode. On the contrary, I am quite happy today (and most days). These are just random ramblings I had in my head.

Focus or not to Focus

Finally I got Blogger to act right. I had been having major problems.

So I haven't made a post with bullets in a minute. I guess today is the day for my randomness to kick in.

• It's amazing how we get off track with our food and become addicted. I read someone's post (don't remember who) about the brain of an addict and how our brains look the same whether we are addicted to drugs or food. It was an eye opener to say the least. I don't remember all the details, but it really gave a different perspective to how we "foodies" are so similar to folk who abuse harmful drugs.

• I am so off with my eating. If it was confession Wednesday, I would tell you that I ate about a half cup of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup and 4 Cashew Sandies. Not good. Today I had a McDonald's hash brown and 1 of 2 sausage burritos. I just couldn't eat the other one. I'm not stuffed, but I am full.I actually stopped before my shoulder started hurting, meaning I stopped before I got stuffed and hurt myself. Trying to get better with that. My mind sometimes reverts back to when I was a kid and we were told that we had it better than the children in Ethiopia so we needed to eat all of our food. I never have understood how my eating all my food would help the starving children in Ethiopia, but oh well.

• Which brings me to this, I've heard people say that (paraphrasing) in order to lose weight and keep it off you have to not focus on food. Ok, because I'm have creative AND logical mind, how are you supposed to do that. I ask that because with the band in order to accomplish our goal and to lose weight we have to be meticulous about food. You have plan what you are going to eat and how much. Measure and weigh, portion control. You can't eat high fat food, fast food, fried food, et cetera, et cetera. My question is how do you NOT focus on food when you have to plan everything you put in your pie hole....ummmm pie, opps got off track for a second there. Where was I....oh, I find that I am constantly thinking about food. What I'm going to eat, how to prepare it, when I'm going to eat and how much of it I can or cannot eat. It can be a bit much at times. Being & getting fat was easy, losing it is hard as nails.

• My son is going to do a semester at the community college here in the city and then transfer back to TSU. I'm over my disappointment and know that he will succeed. I've learned that the only failure is not trying.

• I am so stoked about Chicago and the B.O.O.B.s trip!! I will confess that I'm a little nervous. I have been thinking about what to wear and checking the B.O.O.B.s blog to see if an agenda has been posted so I can plan around that. I tend to be a little OCD with trip planning. And seeing as since I haven't been on a real vaca in some time. The planning will go into overdrive.

• I am also (another confession) nervous about meeting all you wonderfully successful and gorgeous ladies. I feel like it's my first year in high school and thinking, will anyone talk to me. Will I be sitting by myself and just looking around. I have some wonderful roommates and know I will have fun with them, but I don't want to isolate myself and monopolize all their time. Funny thing is that folk who know me would say "Are you kidding me! Pam, you are the most outgoing chick we know!" I'm a friendly person and sometimes (no most times) go out of my way to make friends and be friendly. Ohhh well.

• Just random....why am I sitting here on Keelie's page listening to her music. Keelie is so motivating and has been so successful. She has such a great outlook. The first song that starts playing is "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Although I'm not a big fan, I love that song. It just puts you in the mood to know that you got to keep going. You've got to keep climbing towards your goal, whatever that may be. You can't stop and cry over the mountain that's in your way. Get up and wipe those tears, push, pull, climb your way up, past or around it.

Lastly I want to leave you with this:

Blogger acting up

I can't see anyone's recent posts. I can click on them in the dashboard but it won't take me to the most recent posts.

I needed to be able to take my mind off of stuff, but oh well.

Have a great weekend everyone.

A little down

Hey All,

It has been a minute since I last posted something. Weight loss is going ok. I ended the semester on a HUGE note, all A's, but my son on the other hand, officially is on suspension. I don't know what he did or better yet, didn't do while in Nashville, but I have seen his grades and they are not good at all. I don't know if it was him being away from home or what, but it took it's toll. I am not going to scream at him when I get home but we will be having a talk. I'm sure he will be sickened, but he has to take the blame for this one.

I'm disappointed because in this world with the the economic state as it is, he needs to have a skill set. He is so good with computers. I just don't know right now what to do. I guess I can't do anything, but let him bump his head a little. He has to find a job and we all know what the job market is like right now. I pray that he will be able to. Maybe this is something that needed to happen for him to see that he can't slack.

I'm feeling a little down right now. I'm proud of myself, but no one likes to see their child fail.

Just had to vent a little.

NSV!!

I CAN CROSS MY LEGS!!!!

I don't know why I just sat here and decided to do it. I am working on an assignment and just up and crossed my legs and they stayed and didn't slip off from to much fat!

OMG!! I am exhausted, but that made my day. I spent all day at LeBonheur Children's Hospital with my niece who started having seizures and am just whipped. I have homework that I haven't done and am attempting it now, but I will get it done.

Checking In

Hey everybody!!

The semester is winding down and I am so happy. I am loving school and to be honest getting these A's makes me feel like I'm smart, LOL. I finished my last paper in my Sociology class last week and the instructor has been on the ball because I was just checking and she has posted my grade already. Whooo-hooo!! I hope the semesters after this one are as great. I will have an A in all of my classes (3 of them) at the end.

Atkin's Update: I kinda slipped a bit when my mom went into the hospital to have surgery. I had packed my shakes and protein powder for added umph, but when it came time to eat, the hospital was severely lacking. My older sister and I went to Chik-fil-a and I got a grilled chicken salad, but dinner proved more difficult. It seems in Collierville, TN (which is where the hospital was) everything shuts down at 9 p.m. Boooo!! I thought I would be able to order from the Chinese place, but the nurse told me that they closed at 9 as well. It was 9:30....dangit! I ended up getting a pizza & some wings from Pizza Hut. I was sad. So I ended up eating carbs Thursday through Sunday. The good thing is that I didn't over do it. I gained 2lbees, but went right back to Atkin's on Monday. I haven't weighed myself since Saturday, so we will see when this Saturday comes how much I have lost. I finding this thing easier and easier as time goes on.

NSV: Folk have been telling me how great I look. My co-worker was all out cheering for me today and doing the "swim." I was laughing and posing. She says she can tell I am loosing and that the swimming is working. I have 2 more lessons left and then I will be on my own.

Anyway, not much to tell. My mom did wonderfully through the surgery so she is just healing. Thank you to all of you for your kind words and prayers on her behalf.