Wow I have 50 followers. I never thought I would get to this point. I never thought one person let alone 50 people would want to read my ramblings. The ramblings of a fat girl trying to get healthy. Nevertheless, I thank you. If I'm not following you, please leave me a comment with your blog address so I can get on that.
Now I have been putting off posting pics and stuff because well... I haven't taken them yet. I have my measurements, but I haven't posted that either. I don't know what I'm waiting on. I think I'm brave enough. So hopefully that will be up soon.
As most of you know my surgery is booked for August 10th. I have read a lot of blogs and printed out advice on foods to buy, preparation and everything in between. I think I'm ready, but as I read Tessie's post today about facing those things that we anesthesialized with food, I wonder. I know of some of my problems and have thought that I dealt with them, but will weight loss show me differently. I thought I dealt with the non-existent father in my life and the abandonment and self imposed independence it caused. I thought I dealt with how my aunts and cousins treated me like a social outcast because of my skin tone (inner racism). I surely thought I dealt with the sexual abuse at the hands of my cousin and a doctor and the permiscuousness that ensued up until I was 35. And I know I dealt with the cancer that crept up last year. What more could come out that I haven't already tried to put to rest? Could it be the way I feel toward my siblings when they act as though they can't do anything and look to me for answers; when I enabled them and encouraged them to continue to come to me with their problems. Now I no longer feel like I have all the answers when they ask what to do with an out of control niece/nephew. I no longer feel like I have power when they ask me to borrow $50 to add to their already late rent. I feel like I have set myself up for this and .....ok. Maybe this will all come out when I loose weight. I hope not. I hope I have dealt with it. Put it to bed so to speak.
What I do know is that I have 50 wonderful people who are on this journey with me and that I thank you for being here.
See I told you I ramble.
15 comments:
First I have to say is, "Darn, that cake looks good!" :)
Way to go on 50 followers!
This truly is a journey, day by day. You will learn and grow in the process. Seven weeks out, one thing is that I feel I speak up for myself more often. That is a good thing. You are on the path to a better, happier and healthier life!
We are so lucky to have each other to share the journey. The support that you have given to so many will come back to you ten-fold. You're a strong amazing woman and I know you can do this. We can do this together! It is hard though to start taking care of you, isn't it!
The unknown is definitely scary, but the way I see it, being in a healthier position when the demons expose their ugly heads can only help the situation. Prolonging their exposure through anesthetizing with food only makes them stronger. We'll conquer them together, one demon at a time.
@Janice, Tessie & Pie....you ladies are gems....gems I tell ya.
@Janice....that cake looks soooo good. Thats so bad of me to put that up when I know what I'm trying to do. It just fit.
Don't you worry about rambling Miss Pamela!! I do it all the time! :) You are doing wonderful and will continue to do wonderful!! Demon's will come and go, we just need to take it one day at a time, and pray and work towards more positive healthy days than bad! And we're all here to help each other! Every single one of us can be this thing called Fat! :) Good luck Pamela!! :) *BIG BEAR HUG*
Oh I just love your ramblings...and here's to 50 more....you're so precious...you'll have 500 in no time.
I love following your blog!
I love your rambling & your great comments. I'm a rambler too.
We all have emotional issues that come out as the weight comes off, but that's what we have each other for.
I'm just glad I'm one of the 50.
I'm with Sandy Lee...I'm just happy to be along for the ride.
Me too -- happy to be along for the journey. I haven't been banded yet, but I spent a lot of time today with my therapist talking about the issues that are bound to come up as I stop self-medicating with food. I don't know yet what they are, because, like you, I feel I've dealt with so much stuff already. But, I'm sure stuff with come up. Like everyone else has said -- we have each other to help us through the demons!
PS Congrats on the 50 followers! You deserve them!
50 followers thats great! I'm excited to see I have 25 never thought I would get 1.
I look forward to this journey with you and your ramblings are always welcome.
Ramble away as much as you want. I know that for me, losing weight has been good for me as it feels like I am gaining the will power to stand up for myself. I am no longer seeing myself as the fat girl with no self worth who always tried to make everyone happy at my won expense. Granted, with this independence, I am having to deal with a lot of negativity from my life, but it's better than keeping it bottled inside.
We are beautiful, strong, wonderful women on both the inside as well as the inside. As we lose weight, our outer shell may change, but embrace the new healthier you!
I'm luck to be one of those 50.
:)
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