BYOC - Courtesy of Draz

1. If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why?

I would have to say a tulip. By far my favorite flower, but I love they way the bloom starts out beautifully closed and then opens up as big as its personality. Thats me.

2. Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to?

I think I relate most to Carrie. Her desire to be in love, her fashion sense (my mom always told me and my sibs to make up our own style.) We were poor and couldn't afford name brand clothes so we shopped often at the Goodwill. Funny how I didn't get it until I was way grown, but my son at 18 gets it now.

3. If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be?

If I would be successful and what I would be successful at. Lately I've spent a lot of time asking God if "this" is what he wanted me to do. I'm a firm believer in faith without works is dead so I work hard at my craft as well as pray, but I wonder if it is a "God idea" or just a "good idea?" There is a difference you know.

4. What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey?

My biggest fear is losing all this weight and then gaining it back like Kirstie Alley. Will I have conquered my issues enough to keep the weight off. I know that 70% of why I'm this way is because I'm an emotional eater.

5. Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why?

Amanda post touched me because I understand how you can have the best time out and then all of a sudden the bottom falls out. I also understand being financially stressed. Lord do I understand.

Auggggh!!

What does it really mean when we say "under the weather?" Aren't we all under weather. Ok, I'm being goofy. I got to make myself feel better some how.

I caught something from my son's graduation. With 6000+ folk in one room somebody was bound to breathe on me, yuck!! I'm stuffy, coughing and my throat just started feeling better. The worse part is that my plastic surgeon saw fit to do minor surgery on me this past Tuesday and put in a freaking drain tube. As you you may know I'm going through reconstruction for new breasts. It seems I had some type of cyst and he decided to cut it out. Not only do I have to put off my lab work (now June 10th) and EGD(June 15th), but I also have to put off my physical therapy as well. Oh well. Life must go on.

I just want to say thank you so much to my 18 followers. I am working to make sure I follow all of your blogs as well and please, please recommend banders to my blog. Thanks.

Draz's BYOC from Friday

Just getting the hang of this thing, but I will catch up eventually. Y'all bear with me.

1. If you had 3 wishes what would they be and why? (you can't wish for more wishes or money)

The first one would be that my family be taken care of and not have to worry about bills. It's hard to watch your love ones suffer and not be able to help them when rent and utilities are due. It's like you work and work, but you can no longer rob Peter to pay Paul cause there are others that got their hand stuck out. Second wish would be a cure for cancer. After battling this nasty disease myself, I know I have to fight to find a cure some how some way. Thirdly for some peace in this world. There are wars, rumors of wars and everybody fighting each other right here in the states. Its sad, when everytime I turn on the news there are at least 3 murders 24 hours from the last time I turned on the news.

2. If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?

Naw, I'm good. I have a son and it was wonderful raising him, but I'm done. Money doesn't take away the hard work you put into raising children. You agonize over them every minute of their lives. I'm good.

3. Have you ever faked it? (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)

Sadly, yes. This was before I got the balls to tell the guy to get up because he wasn't doing it.

4. What movie character do you think you look like?

I don't think I look like anyone in the movies. In fact I'm sure I don't. Back in the day I used to think I looked like "Tootie" (Kim Fields) from the "Facts of Life." It wasn't that I actually did, I just wanted to. Don't ask me why.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?

Draz's post on depression. I couldn't finish it because I'm at work and the tears started to flow. Depression is such a horrible sickness.

Eeeeek!!!

Its coming like a freight train barreling down late for a stop. What you may ask... my surgery. Oh my goodness. I sit here with butterflies in my stomach even as I contemplate the future. What will it be like to not be over 250lbs? I'm trying, I really am trying to see it but its hazy. I don't have a clear picture just yet.

The reason I say it's coming is because my lab work will be done this Thursday, you know drawing blood, EKG and stomach ultrasound.

The EGD is scheduled for June 8th. Thats right around the corner. I get more and more nervous as I type this. I looked up what an EGD is and found what you see above. For those of you that have been banded can you tell me if this will hurt when I wake up? What should I expect?

As Is The Days of Our Lives

I remember I used to watch that soap opera when I worked at night. I would come home from FedEx shower, eat, play with my son or send him to school and then post up to watch Days of Our Lives. I could never figure out how folk could have so much drama. I was up when they were up and down when they were down. I would scream at the TV when stuff got scandalous and cry at births or otherwise overcoming of adversity.

I said that because a lot of times my life tended to have enough drama to warrant its very own soap opera. Just the weekend alone I threatened to taser my son's father if he showed up at my son's graduation (see I told you drama). Nevertheless my son graduated without seeing his momma go to jail and I got to see my one and only baby boy walk across the stage to accept his diploma. After much hard work, no father in his life, lack of money most of the time, and watching his momma go through cancer, he persevered. I told him last Sunday that I was so proud of him and he said "Momma, I'm proud of you. Even though you have been through all of this you still managed to push me and get me here."

I salute Jonathan L. Ingram....TSU Bound (my baby got 3 scholarships....YAY!!)

Hello? Hello...Is this thing on? Testing 1, 2, 3

Well Hello There!! Amy and Christy talked me into this so don’t blame me if the randomness that is me makes your brain do strange things.

I just wanted to introduce myself to the world of lap band or to the few people who will follow me. It’s not much, but I will try not to bore you with my flights of fantasy, stories of the past and just over all cartoonish behavior. Just to let you know I’m a silly character. I can be funny sometimes and then other times (most times) people just scratch their heads. I try to act like I’m smart. In reality I think I’m the only one who thinks that. Well maybe my son and my mom, but hey they have to.

Ok let’s get serious just for a minute.

I haven’t always been fat, but I have always thought I was fat. I look back at pictures of myself and my siblings and wonder to myself, where did I go wrong. I looked like those kids on TV. You know the ones they show early on Sunday morning that are starving and the announcer says “if you will just give 35¢ a day you can feed a child for a week.” I think I needed that 35¢ back then because I look like I was starving. So where did I get the idea I was fat?…In middle school.

I was nicknamed “Budweiser” in the 8th grade. Why such a name for an impressionable teenager on the brink of womanhood? Because I had what some call a pouch, a pot belly, but what my gym coach called a beer belly. I was a 13 year old skinny kid with little legs, knock-knees, and breast, so you can guess that my body had become an issue. For the first semester of the 8th grade at Graceland Junior High, I was always called P.W., my initials. The second semester came and my nickname changed. The students had to dress in shorts and a tee shirt for gym class, the standard school uniform with the school name on the front. We were not allowed to wear our gym shirts outside of our shorts, but some of us girls tried to get away with it anyway. The coach ordered us to tuck our shirts in almost every day. We gossiped amongst ourselves that it was because he wanted to see our little developing butts. We were soon threatened with a paddling if we came out again not properly dressed. Now each student was given the opportunity to lead the class in the daily exercises and my day came. I walked up front slowly. Speaking in front of an audience always struck fear in my heart and that day was no exception. I positioned myself and attempted to call the first exercise when Coach J walked up front and called everyone’s attention to me. He stood behind me and said, “Oh look at P.W.’s little beer gut.” He proceeded to pat my little belly and announced that my new nickname was “Budweiser”. He continued to tell the class that it looked like I had been drinking beer, which was evident by my “beer gut”. Mortified, I stood stock-still. Now I must mention that in that class was a cheerleader or two and a couple of majorettes, girls whom I at that time considered to have the perfect bodies and perfect boyfriends. Also in that class was Bobby Ford. Bobby was probably the prettiest chocolate boy in the 8th grade. He played drums for the band and the majorettes (anyone that has attended an inner-city public school knows about the drummers and majorettes), and I was totally in love with him, although he never knew it. As I stood there in shock, I was snapped out of my reverie by the gym coach as he told me to proceed with the class exercises.

A couple of weeks passed and I soon forgot my embarrassment, but the scar of that day would stay with me. I didn’t have to worry about my classmates, but to Coach J, I was “Budweiser”. I took gym class from this same person in the ninth grade and yet my name remained “Budweiser”. I didn’t realize it then, but that set the stage for me to obsess over my body.

Lets skip to high school shall we.

I idolized Janet Jackson. I wanted to marry Michael and I wanted to be Janet. Weird now that I think about it. I have what I call “almost killed myself slowly” with diet after diet. Not to mention every exercise craze. Y’all remember the “20 minute workout” that used to come on TV? I would lose then gain and do it all over again. I have done almost every diet known to man from the Cabbage Diet and Fen-Phen. I have had my gallbladder removed, a full hysterectomy, and just recently beat breast cancer.

So now I’m here. After extensive research and being against WLS I realized that if I didn’t lose this weight the cancer that I formerly beat has a 50-70% chance of coming back possibly in my colon. If I lose the weight those statistics drop to 15-30%. I’ll take that for $200 Alex. Anyway, I’m here and I have been approved for the lap band by my insurance company. I’m excited and a little scared all at the same time. I’ve heard the war stories from those of you in battle right now….”getting stuck”, “bandster hell”, the dreaded “weight plateau”; all with anticipation. I hope you guys can help me along. I’ve done so much research and I know, I won’t know until I go through it, but any advice would be helpful.

Please and thank you.