Well here goes my craziness!!
1. What is your favorite genre of movies? (comedy/romance/horror/action)
I have since childhood been a huge fan of horror. I would watch every Alfred Hitchcock movie I could and then end up not being able to go to sleep for nightmares plaguing me. I also love fantasy movies, the Harry Potters, Lord of the Rings, Wizard of Oz, Chronicles of Narnia. Anything that takes me away and lets me dream of another land, I love.

2.What do you order when you eat Chinese food?
I haven't ordered Chinese in a good little while, but every time I do I order Shrimp Fried Rice, 1 egg roll and an order of Crab Ragoon with the sweet sauce. I am in heaven when I eat this meal.

3. Okay no one kill me for this one - and don't answer if you don't want to BUT I just saw some preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered - what's your take on swingers.....for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc.?
Ok so I'm gonna look real bad after admitting this, but I used to go to swing parties. I would sometimes participate but most of the time watch. It got old after a while and I eventually stopped going. It was a phase I was in back in my early 30s. It's not something I would do now.

4. Let's go back to a repeat question. Pick one thing you'll do one next week that is for your physical/mental health.
I only have one day where I will have to do a clear liquid diet before my surgery on the 10th, but I have decided to do protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and a salad for dinner for the whole week before. I will also be getting my water in.

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?
I will admit I have been a total slacker. I have read some blogs, but not my total following. I have to get better. I did read Draz's blog about the flooding at her house and could not imagine going through that. We had some torrential rains here in Tennessee a month or so back and there was so much damage. I pray for her and everyone who is going through right now.

My Fat Girl Bucket List

I saw this on Jenny's blog back in June and just knew that I had to do one. Jenny I hope you don't mind. So here goes.....

1. I want to wear a size smaller than a 24…much smaller. I want to be able to shop at Ross Dress for Less and wear cute clothes like my boss. Maybe a 16…naw how about a 14.

2. I want to be able to climb stairs without being so out of breath and tired that I want to throw up.

3. I want to go to Universal Studios and ride on the Harry Potter ride and not be asked to get off because of weight like this guy.

4. I want to stop coughing and to not use my inhaler anymore.

5. I want to wear the cute stilettos and not have my calves & shins in excruciating pain from all the pressure of 269lbs.

6. I want my stomach to be flat so I can tuck my tops in sometimes.

7. I want to learn how to swim and wear a bathing suit in front of guys at the rec center. The women I don't care about but I get self-conscious in front of guys.

8. I want to get small enough to wear a cute hair cut & color where my head doesn’t look so big and I don’t look like Ronald McDonald. You know how a fat person’s head looks huge with little hair. BTW this is one of my rewards.

9. I want to throw a classy Martha Stewart type dinner party complete with places cards and music. I want to be able to wear the cutest LBD and entertain my wonderful guests.

10. I want to take a dance class and not be afraid that I will be to out of breath to do the whole class. Maybe a Salsa, Swing and/or Belly dancing class.

One more...

11. I also want to be able to cross my legs. Right now I can’t even put my foot up on my knew (like the men cross their legs) without bending down and picking my foot up and putting it on my knee. It gets there but it slides right back off.


Ok guys, I want to name my band like so many of you wonderful ladies have. I need some suggestions. You know I love cartoons and Harry Potter *waving @PIE*. So help me out. Maybe something that goes along the lines of a wizard band....?? Or maybe I can call him/her Snoopy or Scooby. I don't know but I'm sure some of you smart ladies can come up with something. I'm open to all suggestions.

I would like to send out peaceful and good vibes to my dear Draz. I know things are kinda crappy right now, but I know you will get through this. It's hard to see you sad because you are so fearless. Here's to knowing that the best is yet to come for you. ♥♥♥

WOW @ Drew Carey

Have you guys seen this?

Drew Carey has dropped a reported 70 lbs. -- and he tells he couldn't feel better.

"I just got sick of being fat," he told Us Wednesday at the 2010 CBS Summer Press Tour Party in Beverly Hills.

In early May, the National Enquirer reported that The Price Is Right host, 52, was dieting and working out. A month later, it claimed Carey was using an "custom-made appetite suppressant administered by a Hollywood nutritionist."

But Carey told Us he's been following a cardio program, "so there's nobody really standing over me. I do work with somebody who gives me advice on what to do, how many minutes to run, what my heart rate should be and all that kind of stuff."

Carey, who said he is no longer diabetic, told Us he wants to lose more weight "so I can be looking that great at 86."

Added the actor, "My fiancee has a 5-year old, and wow, I'd love to see him graduate. I'd love to be able play with him without getting tired, enjoy my life and watch him grow."

Though he still eats meat, he told Us he has one strict food rule: "No donuts!"

*****I pulled this from OMG!!


I am so happy right now. I GOT APPROVED to withdraw some of my money from my 401K!! They will be sending a check out Friday, so I will have it in time to pay on the 3rd of August.

Oh I am so happy right now!! My son's monies were applied to his fees for his tuition and other fees and he has a refund of almost $4K coming back in which he will be saving and investing. Prayer works.

Thank you all who said a prayer for me, thought about me or just sent out good vibes. I am so thankful for you all. I swear if I wasn't in this office I would be doing my very own Snoopy Happy Dance!!

Alright see below some pics of me that I have been holding onto for a minute. I am excited about getting the band and working it to its fullest potential. This is what I look like now. I am having my next reconstruction surgery in late November or December. This will be phase 3 where they will put in the silicone implants. My plastic surgeon suggested waiting until I lose some weight so that will keep me from having another surgery for excess skin around my boobs.

Thank you again!!

Me at 269lbs

Catching up

Hey all. Just wanted to send a short shout out to all of you and let you know I'm thinking of you. I'm playing catch up with the blogs and my eyes are bugging out of my head; especially with the negative energy that has been being distributed on these blogs. I will say this. Support and helpful support at that is what is needed.

I have some pictures that I will post soon to officially start my band journey. I am awaiting word from my 401K provider to see if they will let me withdraw monies to pay for my program fee which is $500 (the doctor won't do the surgery without me paying that first). I don't have it and my insurance company says that its just a way for the doctor's office to get some extra money because they are paying 100%. I almost cried today because of the hoops I have to jump through to get "my own money", but I held on. I have faith that God will provide. He got me this far.

Some great news is that I lost the weight that I gained previously. I was at 278 and went back down to 269. I knew what I was doing wrong and fixed it.

Ok, now I'm going back to reading Sandy Lee's post on sliming and being stuck. Ewwww makes me shutter to think, but soooo informative. Thanks Sandy Lee for the great info!!

50 Followers ....WOW!!

Wow I have 50 followers. I never thought I would get to this point. I never thought one person let alone 50 people would want to read my ramblings. The ramblings of a fat girl trying to get healthy. Nevertheless, I thank you. If I'm not following you, please leave me a comment with your blog address so I can get on that.

Now I have been putting off posting pics and stuff because well... I haven't taken them yet. I have my measurements, but I haven't posted that either. I don't know what I'm waiting on. I think I'm brave enough. So hopefully that will be up soon.

As most of you know my surgery is booked for August 10th. I have read a lot of blogs and printed out advice on foods to buy, preparation and everything in between. I think I'm ready, but as I read Tessie's post today about facing those things that we anesthesialized with food, I wonder. I know of some of my problems and have thought that I dealt with them, but will weight loss show me differently. I thought I dealt with the non-existent father in my life and the abandonment and self imposed independence it caused. I thought I dealt with how my aunts and cousins treated me like a social outcast because of my skin tone (inner racism). I surely thought I dealt with the sexual abuse at the hands of my cousin and a doctor and the permiscuousness that ensued up until I was 35. And I know I dealt with the cancer that crept up last year. What more could come out that I haven't already tried to put to rest? Could it be the way I feel toward my siblings when they act as though they can't do anything and look to me for answers; when I enabled them and encouraged them to continue to come to me with their problems. Now I no longer feel like I have all the answers when they ask what to do with an out of control niece/nephew. I no longer feel like I have power when they ask me to borrow $50 to add to their already late rent. I feel like I have set myself up for this and .....ok. Maybe this will all come out when I loose weight. I hope not. I hope I have dealt with it. Put it to bed so to speak.

What I do know is that I have 50 wonderful people who are on this journey with me and that I thank you for being here.

See I told you I ramble.

BYOC - Bring Your Own Craziness

BYOC everyone! 5 questions - some funny, some serious - we answer in our blogs to get to know each other better and to ease our fried brains on Fridays!

1. Love or money? High salary or job satisfaction?
Hmmmm, interesting question. I would have to say I prefer love, but I want both the high salary and job satisfaction. I don't think I can do a job well if I'm not compensated properly for it. If it's a labor of love there still have to be some perks.

2. What is your favorite time of day?
I love nighttime. Like Draz, I used to be a night owl too. Because I wanted (still want) to be in the entertainment industry (I used to have a singing group) I and my group would go to all the concerts and try to get backstage and in all the parties that would come to my city. Plus I worked at night for 10+ years before moving to dayside. Night time is just a magical time to me. The sky is dark except for the stars and the moon and like Draz when it rains, that's the best sleep on earth to me

3. Draz's in-laws just had their wills done so it made me wonder this. Do you have a will? Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?
Yes I do. After the many surgeries I have had I finally came to the conclusion that I don't want my family trying to figure out my wishes. I have been through breast cancer, bi-lateral mastectomy as well as on going breast reconstructive surgeries and next up lap band surgery. Grief is hard enough without having to make tough decisions. I have both a living will and a regular will that advises my family of no resucitation if my quality of life thereafter will be aided by tubes and machines. I don't want to function like that (which wouldn't really be functioning at all). My family also knows that I want to be cremated. Although I don't plan on leaving this earth anytime soon, I don't want anyone stuffing me in a box and planting me 6 feet under. Let my spirit float on the wind is what I say. Plus I don't want my son trying to pick out a casket, dress and the whole nine. I've done that before and its no fun.

4. Repeat question. Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.
I totally crapped out on my goal for last week. But I will repeat what I was supposed to do then and do it this week. I WILL get in 64 oz of water everyday next week. Scout's honor (even though I wasn't a girl scout)

5. Repeat questions. Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.
Stephanie and Drazil both had me mixed with emotions. I cried after reading Drazil's post about running, realizing that it just doesn't matter. No matter what I go through (sister & her babies back at home, son going off to college, lack of money, and sometimes I get tired of being poked and prodded) Draz helped me to see that I have to keep running. I have to push forward. Her post moved me so I ended up making a post although I hadn't planned on posting yesterday. Stephanie's post brought out some anger toward folk who think they are entitled with they make shitastic decisions!! I mean I rarely curse (cuss) y'all, but I almost typed a book in her comments section. The audacity!! Uggghhh!! Ok I'm not going to go there, but oh I could.

Surgery Date & Draz

Dr. Woodman (my bariatric surgeon) approved my surgery for August 10th @ 7:30 in the morning. I pray that he doesn't change it. He informed me that he wanted me to loose just 3# before surgery. I know I can do that.

I gained 8lbs since the last time I was in the office in April. I have to admit I have been eating stuff that I know isn't good for me. Cake and not just one small piece, ice cream, and lets not even mention all I ate for the 4th. Nevertheless its time to get back on the wagon and drive straight. Which leads me to my next comment.....

Draz, had me in tears just a few minutes ago. I can't explain what came over me, but I just broke down. I'm talking about that take a deep breath and shutter sob type of cry. Tears just ran down my face as I typed my comment after reading her post on running. I think what hit home the most with her post is this paragraph:

The theory is – life just *is*…but it doesn’t matter….do what you have to do anyway. It really doesn’t matter if it’s raining – you can still run. It really doesn’t matter if life isn’t fair – you can still live like it is. Nothing matters enough to make me quit or to make me stop learning, growing, thriving and loving. It’s basically a way of taking every excuse for every single part of your life and saying “yah, but it doesn’t matter.” – so get up and get going.

There is so much going on in my life and I think today I just got overwhelmed. After reading Draz's post, I now know that it doesn't matter. I have to do whatever it is anyway. I am stronger because of the things I've been through and I know this.

Draz thank you for who you are and for inspiring me today.

BYO-F-C....Thats Bring Your Own *Freaking* Crazy....

Happy Independence Day!!! I hope you all have a wonderful extended weekend!!

1. Seeing that it’s a patriotic holiday of sorts Drazil thought of this one: Where were you on September 11th?
I was at work actually here at the University of Memphis. I worked in the Disabilities office and one of the students came in and said that a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers in New York. I thought they were playing a joke and didn't believe them. Another student came in and said the same thing. I honestly thought they were trying to get out of taking their exam. I decided after about 30 mins to go to CNN and thats when I saw the smoke and carnage. I just sat there with my hand over my mouth in disbelief.

2. What is your idea of fun? If given the chance to skip work/life for an entire day, what would you do? (assume you’d be by yourself)
I would definitely sleep in. Make myself a picnic lunch and drive to the river. I would have my CD player, a blanket, sunglasses and a good book. That's provided the weather is like it is today. 70 degrees right now.

3. Suggestion from a follower. Some blog questions.
How many blogs do you follow?
60 and that list grows daily.

Do you read them all or just your faves? I read all that appear in my dashboard.

Do you comment a little, a lot, on all? I try to comment on everyone. If there is nothing for me to add I might just say a little something, but then if I can't relate, can't answer the question or they already have a zillion comments, I don't say anything.

Have you ever unfollowed someone because of something they said or you didn’t like their blog? NEVER!! I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You know the old saying. We all have one. If I don't agree, so what. Its their blog

Do you routinely unfollow and why? No. They only reason I would is because they weren't blogging anymore.

4. Repeat question. Pick one day and one healthy thing you’ll do for just that day next week. This Saturday I will drink 64 ounces of water.

5. Repeat "Make someone a superstar" question. Whose blog or blog comment stuck with you this week and why?
Although I believe these ladies are already SUPERSTARS Kristina touched me with her post about her heartache in sending her son off to get the help he needs. I have been in that position before with my older sister and it is something that although you know you have to do it, feeling is that you are putting them away. I pray for her strength. The other person is Amy W. Somebody else said it, but I will repeat it, Amy's blog is like a freaking TV show. Every week there is a new episode. I check everyday in hopes of a new post and when there is none, I'm sad and say "Amy where are you?" (in my best Lassie come home voice-not that I'm compairing Amy to Lassie,LOL) I can't help it I'm addicted to her blog. There are others that I would like to call, but don't want to get into the name game and forget somebody. Plus they are already superstars in my book.

Remember to think of our troops overseas. Say a prayer for them and if you don't pray, think of them as they serve and protect our country.