Wow I have 50 followers. I never thought I would get to this point. I never thought one person let alone 50 people would want to read my ramblings. The ramblings of a fat girl trying to get healthy. Nevertheless, I thank you. If I'm not following you, please leave me a comment with your blog address so I can get on that.
Now I have been putting off posting pics and stuff because well... I haven't taken them yet. I have my measurements, but I haven't posted that either. I don't know what I'm waiting on. I think I'm brave enough. So hopefully that will be up soon.
As most of you know my surgery is booked for August 10th. I have read a lot of blogs and printed out advice on foods to buy, preparation and everything in between. I think I'm ready, but as I read Tessie's post today about facing those things that we anesthesialized with food, I wonder. I know of some of my problems and have thought that I dealt with them, but will weight loss show me differently. I thought I dealt with the non-existent father in my life and the abandonment and self imposed independence it caused. I thought I dealt with how my aunts and cousins treated me like a social outcast because of my skin tone (inner racism). I surely thought I dealt with the sexual abuse at the hands of my cousin and a doctor and the permiscuousness that ensued up until I was 35. And I know I dealt with the cancer that crept up last year. What more could come out that I haven't already tried to put to rest? Could it be the way I feel toward my siblings when they act as though they can't do anything and look to me for answers; when I enabled them and encouraged them to continue to come to me with their problems. Now I no longer feel like I have all the answers when they ask what to do with an out of control niece/nephew. I no longer feel like I have power when they ask me to borrow $50 to add to their already late rent. I feel like I have set myself up for this and .....ok. Maybe this will all come out when I loose weight. I hope not. I hope I have dealt with it. Put it to bed so to speak.
What I do know is that I have 50 wonderful people who are on this journey with me and that I thank you for being here.
See I told you I ramble.
Posted by Pamela E. Williams at 10:19 AM
- ▼ July (9)
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Goals & Rewards
- Pamela E. Williams
- Memphis, TN, United States
- Loopy character here, I love fantasy movies and cartoons. I'm a 41 yr. old kid that has a son who loves her flaws and all. I'm also a recent Breast Cancer survivor. I got banded on August 10, 2010. Jiminy is his name, Jiminy Cricket that is or JC to all of you out there.