A HUGE Thank You!!!

I have never met a more caring group of people than the ones that are in this support system. I was really going through a rough time on Friday. Although my rough periods don't usually last long, Friday hit me kinda hard. I was a fit of tears most of the day. I won't begin to name names, but you for those of you who reached out or thought kindly or just said a word of prayer for me. I thank you. You are all so awesome. I'm better today and know what I need to do. Thank you again for all you do and are.

Love you much!!

p.

Work out clothes

I forgot to mention that when I went to zumba, I had on some jogging pants I got from the Nike outlet (men's btw) and an old t-shirt (ink stains and all) that I had when my son was in middle school in a 4x. I looked horrible. Needless to say I need to get some work out clothes. I saw some ladies there that had on those cute capri pants to work out in. I will eventually go to Wal-mart to get some, but it will have to wait a couple of pay periods. If anyone wants to donate an old pair, I'm a size 22. Thanks ladies for listening to my long rant below.

Love you guys much ♥♥♥!!

Happy Friday!! Ramblings of a 4th grader...I mean 41 year old.

Happy Friday everyone!!!! The day is more than half over and the weekend is almost upon us. For some that may mean absolutely nothing if you have to work on the weekend, but hopfully you will get to enjoy it anyway. I will say that the weather here in Memphis has been STUPENDOUS!!! I mean 85 degree weather or less and at night 68 degrees. Now this is my time of the year....that is until it gets hot again. Cause y'all know Summer ain't over yet.

So I've been thinking again. I know, I know... bare with me cause I have to put stuff in bullets or else you won't be able to follow my craziness.

•I've lost 11 pounds so far. I went in to the surgery weighing 270# and I now weigh 259#. So why am I thinking I'm not doing enough to lose like other people. It's funny because I go on other blogs and see what people who were banded around the same time as I have lost and I even go on blogs and count up the number of #s they have lost in 2 weeks(where I am) or a month. For instance Michelle over at The Band in Me has lost 27#s in little over a month. Am I jealous, by all means no. I am happy and excited for her, but it makes me question am I doing enough to loose. Ok so I know that I should not be comparing my loss and efforts to others, but I don't want to fail. I guess I look at what others are doing and see a standard that I should be upholding to. I always think I'm slacking somehow. I'm goofy y'all forgive me.

•I did Zumba last night with a friend/fellow band parent. I was content with staying in the back because I'm uber goofy and am not coordinated in the least, but she insisted I come up front with her. I couldn't keep up, but I did the whole work out. At some points I got a little embarrassed because I wasn't doing the moves right most of the time. At one point one of the teachers (three were interchanging), got in front of me and was doing the exercises. I guess to coax me along. I got through it though and have vowed to do Zumba twice a week (every Tuesday & Thursday). My friend said that the teachers we had last night were not the usual teachers and basically didn't do like the one that always facilitates (did that make sense). Jenese the regular teacher has a routine that everybody pretty much knows and that even she (my friend) was thrown off a little. Although it made me feel a little better, I still would have been out of my element even with the regular teacher because I didn't know any of it. There was this little pixie of a girl that had the moves down pat and I was just watching her to keep up. She was on the other side of my friend. She saw me watching her and would smile every now and then. She smiled and waved when she left class. I felt a little embarrassed again.

•I want to join Boobs, but I haven't even read the website. I don't even know what the group is all about. I have saw many post on other blogs about Boobs and even know about the upcoming Chicago trip, but have never ventured over there to see what it was all about. At one point when I first heard mention of Boobs, I decided I wasn't going to investigate because I had no boobs. I know silly of me. With this cancer thing as positive as I can be at times, I can also think of the most asinine and stupidest thing to be hard on myself for. Even now I sit here and actually have the nerve to cry because when I was at Zumba I wondered what folk thought of me because I didn't have any. I didn't know what was going on in the head of that little pixie of a girl exercising. I didn't know if she was judging me and thought something else. Although if I was a lesbian it would not be a bad thing, but you never know what people think of you just by your outer appearance. I wanted to yell out "It's ok I'm a BC survivor." So what if they thought anything, it doesn't matter what they think. I usually don't care what people think, but lately here I have been seeing a lot of looks from folk. It's like they look at me and don't realize that I can see the focus of their eyes shift to my chest. Sometimes I shrug it off and other times I don't know how to feel.

•With all of this I feel like a kid. A 4th grader wondering if I will have friends when school starts. for some reason I've just been doubting myself lately. I'm missing my son and feel lost at times. Here I go with the crying again.

•I don't know if you remember the post I made about my Executive Director (ED) leaving?? Well a couple of my collegues think I would be wonderful in that position. It would mean more money, but also much more responsibility. Well she isn't even gone yet (1 more week) and she has posted her own job. Yeah I know. She is so full of herself, but my VP couldn't do it because she doesn't know how. Go figure. Anyway, I pulled up the post (btw, I haven't told my VP I want the job yet) and the things my ED says she does, I actually do. My co-worker says she doesn't do that stuff you do. I had to laugh because it is so true. Now I went down to talk to my old VP who is like one of my mentors and she told me "don't tell yourself no, let someone else tell me no." In other words I should apply for the position and if it is for me I will get it. She did tell me something that I hadn't thought of. My ED spends a lot of time flirting with the donors. Working directly with donors is the one thing I don't do. She does a lot of smoozing and flirting to get that money out of them. My old VP said she is like a hostess. She entertains and that I should be aware of that. I began thinking, what if I can't do that. What if these donors need someone who is flighty and sugary. You know the kind. They speak to you in the highest possible pitch voice that is known to man. So high only dogs can hear it sometimes, LOL. My co-worker who is like one of my main supporters here told me that with my personality I would win them over because I'm sincere, unlike my soon to be ex-ED.

Anyway, that was the ramblings of a not so 41 year old. Forgive me for today. I'm a little bit off.

Have a wonderful weekend.

CONSTIPATION!!! Seriously???

Ok, I'm sorry to make a post about constipation, but WTH!!!!! OMG!! I have never experienced anything like this before in my life. Three tries it took. I will have to start taking Ex-Lax or something cause today was ridiculous.

Ok,I'm through with that. Eating is going good. I did have a bout yesterday where I wanted some real food. Had some squash and a VERY small piece of baked chicken breast for dinner. It was really moist and I chewed the heck out of it. But then I started worrying if I hurt my stomach by eatting real food to fast. Any thoughts??

Hope everyone is having a great day.

Who Knew

I can run y'all!!! Oh my goodness. I was exercising this weekend and while I was walking I just broke out into a run. It wasn't for a long time or fast mind you, but it was a run nonetheless. I'm so proud of myself. I didn't exercise at all Friday (unless you count walking around Walmart for an hour exercise - if so I will add that, y'all let me know), but Saturday and Sunday I kicked it into high gear. Well as high as my gears could go that is. See all week I had been doing my walk and only doing a mile, well Saturday I stepped it up and decided that I needed to do more. So I did 2 miles. Yes, me!! I couldn't believe it. Sunday I did 3 miles and I ran a little each day!!! I'm so proud of myself.

On the band front. I am just now starting to get hungry. Right now I feel my stomach growling. I had a protein smoothie for breakfast this morning and it filled me up, but that was at 7:30. Now its about 15 till 10 and I'm more than slightly hungry. I'm not famished, by any means, but hungry nonetheless. I'm drinking water to see if that feeling will be curtailed some. I had my first bout with head hunger last night. I wasn't really hungry, but wanted to go and eat more Baked Ricotta. Oh my goodness how good it was. One of my main problems in the past was overeatting because the food was so good. See I can cook. I am no chef, but I can hold my own in the kitchen. Therefore, when I cook I put my foot in it and oh how delish it can be. I want to just eat it all up. So yesterday I used will power and restraint. When it got a little bad, I got some sugar free chocolate pudding and mixed some of my chocolate truffle protein in it and OH MY GOODNESS, it was like I was having a premier desert. It was SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!

Anyway thats it for today. I don't have much, but wanted to post something.
Happy Monday!!

A Stupid question or two

For the last two days I have been able to eat soft foods...i.e. mushies. Yesterday I ate a 1/2 cup of corn beef hash with a 1/4 cup of mash potatoes. I wondered if that was to much food and if I was in danger of stretching my pouch. The day before I had a 1/4 of refried beans topped with ff-cheddar cheese and egg beaters (eq. of 2 eggs) soft scrambled with ff-cheddar. I felt stuffed after the dinner, but I wondered if I am eating to much. Any suggestions, comments or advice??

Next stupid question is. Will water just slide down in the lower stomach from the stoma(pouch)? I ask because I was reading another blog where the bander slimmed or PB off of water. Now the problem might have been for her that she was to tight, but I guess I'm asking because I don't want to drink to much at one time and have my pouch to full only to slim or PB it.

Any suggestions, comments or advice is greatly welcomed to this newbie in the game.

Thanks.

Giveaway Alert!!

Hey guys!! Shelly over at The World According to Eggface is giving away


Go on over to her spot and she will give you instructions on how to enter and maybe win!

Can I just say for the record I SOOOOOOO want to try these syrups. I called my local Whole Foods and they don't sell this product :-( Ok so I have to order it. With money being tight AND the fact that I hate to wait when I order something online, I hope that I win!!

Happy Hump Day!!