Happy Friday everyone!!!! The day is more than half over and the weekend is almost upon us. For some that may mean absolutely nothing if you have to work on the weekend, but hopfully you will get to enjoy it anyway. I will say that the weather here in Memphis has been STUPENDOUS!!! I mean 85 degree weather or less and at night 68 degrees. Now this is my time of the year....that is until it gets hot again. Cause y'all know Summer ain't over yet.
So I've been thinking again. I know, I know... bare with me cause I have to put stuff in bullets or else you won't be able to follow my craziness.
•I've lost 11 pounds so far. I went in to the surgery weighing 270# and I now weigh 259#. So why am I thinking I'm not doing enough to lose like other people. It's funny because I go on other blogs and see what people who were banded around the same time as I have lost and I even go on blogs and count up the number of #s they have lost in 2 weeks(where I am) or a month. For instance Michelle over at The Band in Me has lost 27#s in little over a month. Am I jealous, by all means no. I am happy and excited for her, but it makes me question am I doing enough to loose. Ok so I know that I should not be comparing my loss and efforts to others, but I don't want to fail. I guess I look at what others are doing and see a standard that I should be upholding to. I always think I'm slacking somehow. I'm goofy y'all forgive me.
•I did Zumba last night with a friend/fellow band parent. I was content with staying in the back because I'm uber goofy and am not coordinated in the least, but she insisted I come up front with her. I couldn't keep up, but I did the whole work out. At some points I got a little embarrassed because I wasn't doing the moves right most of the time. At one point one of the teachers (three were interchanging), got in front of me and was doing the exercises. I guess to coax me along. I got through it though and have vowed to do Zumba twice a week (every Tuesday & Thursday). My friend said that the teachers we had last night were not the usual teachers and basically didn't do like the one that always facilitates (did that make sense). Jenese the regular teacher has a routine that everybody pretty much knows and that even she (my friend) was thrown off a little. Although it made me feel a little better, I still would have been out of my element even with the regular teacher because I didn't know any of it. There was this little pixie of a girl that had the moves down pat and I was just watching her to keep up. She was on the other side of my friend. She saw me watching her and would smile every now and then. She smiled and waved when she left class. I felt a little embarrassed again.
•I want to join Boobs, but I haven't even read the website. I don't even know what the group is all about. I have saw many post on other blogs about Boobs and even know about the upcoming Chicago trip, but have never ventured over there to see what it was all about. At one point when I first heard mention of Boobs, I decided I wasn't going to investigate because I had no boobs. I know silly of me. With this cancer thing as positive as I can be at times, I can also think of the most asinine and stupidest thing to be hard on myself for. Even now I sit here and actually have the nerve to cry because when I was at Zumba I wondered what folk thought of me because I didn't have any. I didn't know what was going on in the head of that little pixie of a girl exercising. I didn't know if she was judging me and thought something else. Although if I was a lesbian it would not be a bad thing, but you never know what people think of you just by your outer appearance. I wanted to yell out "It's ok I'm a BC survivor." So what if they thought anything, it doesn't matter what they think. I usually don't care what people think, but lately here I have been seeing a lot of looks from folk. It's like they look at me and don't realize that I can see the focus of their eyes shift to my chest. Sometimes I shrug it off and other times I don't know how to feel.
•With all of this I feel like a kid. A 4th grader wondering if I will have friends when school starts. for some reason I've just been doubting myself lately. I'm missing my son and feel lost at times. Here I go with the crying again.
•I don't know if you remember the post I made about my Executive Director (ED) leaving?? Well a couple of my collegues think I would be wonderful in that position. It would mean more money, but also much more responsibility. Well she isn't even gone yet (1 more week) and she has posted her own job. Yeah I know. She is so full of herself, but my VP couldn't do it because she doesn't know how. Go figure. Anyway, I pulled up the post (btw, I haven't told my VP I want the job yet) and the things my ED says she does, I actually do. My co-worker says she doesn't do that stuff you do. I had to laugh because it is so true. Now I went down to talk to my old VP who is like one of my mentors and she told me "don't tell yourself no, let someone else tell me no." In other words I should apply for the position and if it is for me I will get it. She did tell me something that I hadn't thought of. My ED spends a lot of time flirting with the donors. Working directly with donors is the one thing I don't do. She does a lot of smoozing and flirting to get that money out of them. My old VP said she is like a hostess. She entertains and that I should be aware of that. I began thinking, what if I can't do that. What if these donors need someone who is flighty and sugary. You know the kind. They speak to you in the highest possible pitch voice that is known to man. So high only dogs can hear it sometimes, LOL. My co-worker who is like one of my main supporters here told me that with my personality I would win them over because I'm sincere, unlike my soon to be ex-ED.
Anyway, that was the ramblings of a not so 41 year old. Forgive me for today. I'm a little bit off.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Posted by Pamela E. Williams at 11:41 AM
- A HUGE Thank You!!!
- Work out clothes
- Happy Friday!! Ramblings of a 4th grader...I mean ...
- CONSTIPATION!!! Seriously???
- Who Knew
- A Stupid question or two
- Giveaway Alert!!
- Doing Good and a little Rant
- GO CHICA GO!!!!!!!
- On to MUSHIES!!
- My Lap Band Surgery Experience
- I'm BAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKK!!!
- Tomorrow is the day!!!!!
- Me Versatile...I'm a one trick pony!!
- Protein Review
- ▼ August (15)
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Goals & Rewards
- Pamela E. Williams
- Memphis, TN, United States
- Loopy character here, I love fantasy movies and cartoons. I'm a 41 yr. old kid that has a son who loves her flaws and all. I'm also a recent Breast Cancer survivor. I got banded on August 10, 2010. Jiminy is his name, Jiminy Cricket that is or JC to all of you out there.